😂 Trending Reddit Jokes - November 03, 2026

Mickey Mouse files for a divorce. Appearing in court, the judge is looking at the paperwork. Judge says “Mickey, you can’t divorce Minnie on the grounds that she is crazy” Mickey replies, “ I didn’t say she was crazy, I said She’s Fucking Goofy”

A man orders a steak at a fancy restaurant. He soon sees the waiter approaching with the big juicy steak dinner plate. As the waiter gets closer, the man notices the waiter has his thumb directly on top of the steak, squeezing it to the plate. The man says to the waiter, "Hey man, would you mind taking your thumb off my steak??" The waiter replies, "What, and drop it on the floor again?? Geez what a dumbass."

Ugly guy catches a gold fish and requests his three wishes. First wish: Make me a highway around the world. The fish says: naah, unable to. Too big of an ask. Impossible to build. Guy says, ok, second wish: make me beautiful. Fish looks at him and says: hmm, how many lanes and tunnels do you want on your highway?

Two guys were loading a coffin into a hearse on a steep incline. After loading, they both get into the vehicle. As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store front of a pharmacy and keeps going. The driver races after it and chases it into the pharmacy. The pharmacist in the back says "Can I help you?" and the driver says "Yeah, do you have anything to stop this coffin?"

At the station they nicknamed her Miss Demeanor

I said, "How can you say such a thing?!"

I said, "WHAT!? Hold on. Let me get a pen. Now, what are they again?"

Dad: "Not now."

With a pumpkin patch

I said, "How can you say such a thing?!"

A very large woman in a sleeveless sundress walked into a bar. She raised her right arm revealing a very hairy armpit as she pointed at all the people in the bar and said, "What man here is going to buy a lady a drink?" The bar fell silent as everyone tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar a drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and shouted, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured a drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned round, raised her arm again revealing the same hairy armpit and pointing at all the patrons in the bar she said, "What man here is going to buy a lady another drink?" The bar again fell silent but the same old drunk at the end of the bar yelled, "Give the ballerina another drink!" and slammed his money down on the counter. The bartender approached the drunk and said, "Look mate, it's your business if you want to buy that woman a drink but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift he...

They stopped when they realized it could go sideways real fast.

Some more fine vandalization for your consideration.

We do it every day ?

A stick

Not this one.

He threw a microwave at his car.

Sparrow

A 39-letter palindrome

Pronunciation game EDIT: There are two accepted answers.

If I dismantle something ' can I remantle it afterwards ? Or beforwards for that matter. If you find that a bit disturbing can I be more returbing or is it unturbing ? Any thoughts ?

The high C.

It was pretty ruff. They left bark all over the place.